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Rekindle your love life
Many are reluctant to seek out a counselor. They imagine a boring office and long, grueling talks. But it does not need be so serious. We have spoken with couple therapists who successfully combine good advice with salsa.
By Birgitte Bartholdy.
Does your relationship need a boost, but it's too boring to sit in a therapist's office and talk? So it is perhaps a good idea to try one of the new therapy and lecture forms that are showing up. What about dancing salsa with therapists before you take a serious conversation with them about your problems?
This offer comes from salsa instructor Jean-Paul Bardou and psychotherapist Jane Rubien.
Together, they offer the course Salsa and Substance with nine salsa classes, and the possibility of a therapy conversation afterwards as necessary.
Jean-Paul Bardou started to dance salsa nine years ago and discovered that dance can make a relationship blossom again.
The reason is that he believes that salsa has clear rules for the two sexes, and that both men and women therefore are better able to unfold. "The most important rule is that the man leads and the woman is led. To be good at dancing, it is necessary that men learn to decide, and that women learn to let go of control and follow his instructions," he says.
He knows that this kind of comment will have some women see red. It has also happened that they began to discuss with him and insist that they will not accept to be decided about.
"But then the dance goes astray. It's not about the woman having to submit herself to the man's will, but to be willing to meet him in the dance and give him a chance to show that he is able to create the right environment for her."
Men's indistinct signals
According to Jean-Paul Bardou, he has never in his teaching met a woman who did not eventually end up giving him right that a clear division of roles is beneficial for cooperation. And, moreover, it may reawaken sexuality if the couple takes their experiences from the dance floor home with then and into the double bed.
Jean-Paul Bardou is the leader when it comes to dancing lessons, while Jane Rubien who is cand. psych. and specialist in psychotherapy, leads the conversations afterwards.
She says she often already can see, when the couple comes on the floor, that the relationship is askew. That is why the dance is a good preparation for the talks afterward, she explains.
"When you dance salsa, you change partners all the time, and in that way, you learn to be responsive. Men practice leading so it suits the women they dance with. And women learn to read different men's signals, because there are big differences in how clear the men are."
Moreover, according to Jean-Paul Bardou, salsa is great to wake flirtation back to life. He is originally from France and has observed that Danish couples find it harder to keep the thrill than French couples do. "Maybe because the Danish women are increasingly forced to become copies of men. They feel they must keep track of everything, even their men. It is no good when they dance salsa."
According to Jean-Paul Bardou and Jane Rubien many Danish women and men are in deficit when it comes to enjoying. Far down the road, it is due to the bustle and poor communication.
"Both women and men may have difficulty taking responsibility for their own needs and become rather peeved that the other can not guess what they need," says Jane Rubien.
Through dance and conversations, couples can get better at expressing their wishes, and knowing what it is they wish. Maybe they will not be fulfilled, but it does no good to be angry at one's partner for that reason.
The course comprises one and a half hours of dance once a week for nine times for one season. A few of the time or more, the couples can have a conversation afterward.
See more about Salsa and Substance on www.salsaogsubstans.dk, where you can also sign up for a new season with Jane Rubien and Jean-Paul Bardou. Incidentally, he also takes out for parties or bachelor parties and teaches salsa with a focus on gender roles.
Another version of this article can be found on AOK's website.